Serial Fiction

Sophia surveyed the others over her steepled fingers. "You're probably wondering why I called you here today."

"Not really," Alan said.

"It's Katarina's birthday soon, right?" Maria asked.

It was Katarina's birthday in four months, but Sophia was pretty sure none of them except maybe Geordo was organised enough to already be planning their present. Well, except Mary, obviously.

"I was sort of hoping it would be to do with the Ancient Languages paper," Keith said. "I suck at verb declensions."

"It's not about verb declensions," Sophia said, although she was secretly rather pleased to find out that there was something magic-related that Keith wasn't good at. She was not at all competitive, but it was still a little galling to be constantly surrounded by prodigies. "It's about Katarina. And us."

"She's my fiance," Geordo said at once. "If anyone should give up, it should be all of you."

"You can't call dibs on a person," Mary retorted. "It's about what Katarina wants."

"I'm not asking anyone to give up," Sophia said quickly, before it could turn into a fight. "Sort of the opposite, actually."

"What do you mean?" Nicole asked, before anyone else could butt in, and she gave him a grateful smile.

"What I mean is… well it's... " She'd had a speech all planned out, but now it was time to actually give it, her tongue was tied up in knots. "It's… Mary! Do you remember the demon prince books we used to read as children?"

"Of course. The ones with the love interest who looked like Nicol?"

"Yes." She ignored the smirk Geordo was giving her and ploughed on. "There were so many of them, and the wicked prince could never actually declare his love to the protagonist, because if he did, then the story would be over. So they had to keep coming up with more and more contrivances why they couldn't ever become a couple. They couldn't ever sit down and have a proper conversation about things, because if they did, then the story would be over."

"And your point is?"

"I realised that we're never going to get anything, well, sorted out, with Katarina around because she's the demon prince in this story. But I thought if we all sat down without her, we could actually get some things squared away."

"What is there to square away?" Keith asked. "If you're not asking anyone to... " He trailed off, his face bright red, and Sophia wondered whether he'd ever actually talked to anyone out loud about his crush before.

It must be very hard for him, she thought sympathetically. They had been relative strangers until they met, at an age when engagements and even a little innocent romance was quite normal. That he had fallen in love with Katarina was really quite understandable and even natural, and yet to the world at large, he was her brother. It would be highly scandalous for them to have any kind of public relationship, even though they shared no blood.

"I'm not asking anyone to give up," she said again. "What I want is for us to just have a serious conversation about Katarina, and how things might turn out, and what we all actually want, so that when the story comes to an end and she makes her choice, we will all know where we stand."

"Oh," Maria said, "that is a good idea. You've all been such great friends to me, and I would hate it if we were to fall out over this."

"Precisely," Sophia said, relieved that one of them at least understood what she meant. "Especially within families. I know Nicol and I will never argue, but if Geordo and Alan were to fall out, or Keith and Katarina, that would be so terrible!"

"You really wouldn't be angry, even if Katarina chose Nicole?" Alan asked, disbelieving.

"Of course not! He's my brother - I know how wonderful he is, so how could I be angry with anyone else who saw the same thing?"

Geordo didn't even bother to hide his smirk, but she ignored him. She wasn't a complete innocent; she knew what people said about her and Nicol but so what? Let them talk. She just felt sorry for them that none of them had siblings they were close to.

"I still don't see what there is to discuss," Geordo said. "She's my fiance, and I have no intention of breaking off the engagement."

"You don't but she might," Keith said immediately. "You can't keep her against her will."

"If she intended to break things off, she would have done so already."

"Would she? I mean Mary hasn't broken things off with Prince Alan and she doesn't…" Keith trailed off, eyes wide. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that!"

"No, it's good that you did," Sophia assured him. "It's not just our relationships with Katarina that must be discussed, but our relationships with one another."

"Well then," Geordo said, that glint in his eye that always meant he was about to say something mean just to see if he could get a rise out of you, "do you actually want to marry my brother, Mary?"

"I…" Mary looked like she'd honestly never ever considered the subject before. "I suppose so? I mean, I do like him."

"Do you?" Alan looked honestly surprised. "I always thought you were just putting up with me for your parents sake."

"Of course I like you! We're friends, aren't we?"

Unusually, it was Nicol who spoke up first, which she was glad of. He didn't often talk but when he did his words were always carefully chosen, which was more than could be said for either of the Princes. "That isn't exactly what we meant."

"Friendship doesn't make heirs," Geordo said bluntly, making poor Keith blush to his roots. "Never mind if you want to go to the opera with him, or start a book club, do you want to bed him?"

"Oh." Mary looked down at her hands, uncharacteristically shy. "I hadn't thought about that. I don't really… I mean…" She clenched her hands into fists, so tight her knuckles were white from the pressure, and said, "I don't think I like any boys that way."

"Oh." Alan blinked a couple of times while he processed that, and then said, "I suppose we ought to break off the engagement then."

"That's the problem! Even if I don't marry you, I'll still have to marry someone. At least I get along with you! If we don't get married, who knows who my parents will pick out for me next. I don't… I mean I think… I think I could. If it was you."

"Ah, the words every man longs to hear," Geordo said, with a mocking smile.

"Sorry," Mary muttered. "I know you like girls, and…"

Nicol had been watching Alan closely, and he must have seen something in his face that Sophia had missed because he interrupted Mary's apology. "Define your terms. We've already established that 'like' isn't specific enough."

"Good idea," Maria agreed. "We should specify whether we mean friendship or romantic feelings."

"Or wanting to bed someone," Geordo said, looking the closest to awkward Sophia had seen him since they were very small children. "That's not, I mean, it's not the same as wanting to have a romance with someone."

"No, it's not," Alan said, giving his brother a long look. "I didn't know you knew that. Are you…"

"We're not talking about me," Geordo said quickly. "We're talking about you and Mary."

Impulsively, Mary leaned across the table to take Alan's hand. "I don't want to romance you or bed you," she said, "but I'd still like to marry you."

Alan looked surprised. "Alright. I don't want to bed you either. I didn't…" He glances at his brother, and then to Nicol, and finally back to Mary. "I wasn't sure that was a real thing, actually."

"What, wanting to bed someone?"

He shrugged. "I thought it was just… one of those things people said."

Mary laughed but it didn't sound mean. "You talk to different people than me than."

"I talk to Geordo," he said, the beginnings of a grin catching at the corner of his mouth. "But I've never felt that way about anyone."

"What about Katarina?" Maria asked.

"I want to romance Katarina. I'd like to, to do all the things people do when they're courting. Just not the bit that comes after."

"Do you want to marry her?" Mary asked, quietly.

Alan considered it. "I wouldn't mind," he decided eventually. "But even if she chose me, I wouldn't mind if she married someone else, so long as we could still see one another."

"Have you considered that she might never choose?" Keith asked the room in general. "I mean, that she might… Well, that we might end up all… "

"She's my fiance," Geordo said. "Why on earth would I share her with all of you?"

"Because you don't actually want to romance her," Alan said quietly. "I'm right, aren't I? That's why you knew, about romance and the other stuff not being the same."

"Define your terms," Geordo snapped. "What's so different about romance and friendship anyway? If you like someone, and want to spend time with them, what's the difference?!"

"Well, that explains a lot," Alan muttered.

"It's hard to put into words," Maria said, her tone gentle. "I'm not sure I could tell you why it's different, but it is, and you know the difference when you feel it."

"Oh." Geordo looked down at the table, and when he looked back at Maria it looked like it was taking all his courage to meet her eyes. "Well then I suppose I haven't felt it, since I couldn't tell you the difference."

"You bastard!" Keith's cheeks were flushed with anger, and he was leaning half out of his chair. "You won't break the engagement but you admit you don't even love her! What kind of low, slimy, snivelling…"

"Shut up, Keith," Nicol said sharply, and the others all turned to stare at him. Sophia hadn't heard him speak to anyone like that since her childhood bullies and she was pretty sure most people around the table had never heard him so angry before. "You heard what he said as well as I did! He didn't know, not until right now."

"Well now he does," Keith retorted, but he relaxed back into his chair, no longer looking like he was about to spring across the table and strangle Geordo. "So he can finally do the decent thing."

"But… I want to marry her." Geordo sounded lost. "I want to spend my life with her. So what if I don't feel the way you do?"

"He's right," Mary said quietly. Geordo had all sorts of unexpected defenders today. "Everyone feels differently, and we shouldn't say anyone's love is less worthy than anyone else's, not if they genuinely wish for Katarina's happiness."

"I will make her happy," Geordo insisted. "Just because I don't… Just because I feel differently about her doesn't mean I don't want her happiness. She's my friend, and I care for her feelings, and I am deeply attracted to her. That should be enough."

"That's up to Katarina to decide," Sophia said, before anyone else (Keith) could say anything hurtful. "We're not here to decide who she should choose, we're here to talk about us. Maria, what about you?"

"Oh that's easy," Maria said, with one of her blindingly bright smiles. "I would like to romance all of you!"

Sophia's mother had always told her that well bred lady never showed surprise but she knew she was failing to keep it off her face. None of her tutors or governesses had ever prepared her for anything like this conversation, although now that she thinks about it, that seems like a failing on their parts. After all, scandal and aristocracy practically went hand in hand and she doubted she was the only girl from a good family who'd been required to have a conversation like this over the years. "All of us?"

Maria looked surprised. "Why not? You've all been so kind to me and you're all very good looking. Is it really so strange?"

"It's… unusual," Mary said, tactfully. "Not bad, just unusual."

"Well I seem to rather specialise in being unusual," Maria said with a laugh. It was strange to think that she'd ever been so shy and withdrawn as she had been in her first weeks at the school.

"All of us at once?" Nicol asked.

"Only the ones who want to," Maria assured him. 

Nicol's only acknowledgement that that had really not been what he meant was his left eyebrow rising very slightly, not enough that anyone except Sophia or Geordo would notice. "That seems reasonable."

"I didn't know that was an option," Mary admitted. "I mean, well everyone knows about Viscount Nerson and the Halimtons but I never considered that I, I mean we, could… You did mean me as well?"

"Of course!"

"Well, I think… I mean, I would like that as well."

Maria smiled so wide her magic began to glow a little, making her look even more like an angel than she usually did. "That's wonderful!"

"And when you say romance…?" Alan asked.

"Oh! I forgot to be specific, I'm sorry. I would like to bed all of you as well."

Keith made a noise rather like a cat with a particularly stubborn hairball. "What, all at once?!"

"Well, we'd need quite a large bed for that," Maria said thoughtfully. "And of course, Alan wouldn't want to."

"Of course," Nicol agreed. He was finding this all hilarious, though of course there was nothing in his expression that betrayed that to anyone but his closest confidants. "Despite the rumours however, I have no desire to see my sister undressed, or in any other compromising position."

Not for the first time, Sophia cursed her pale skin. Her mind had gone straight to the types of compromising positions she and Maria could find themselves in - she'd never shared those particular books with the book club, but she'd amassed quite a collection over the years - and she was quite sure everyone else could guess exactly what she was thinking from her blush.

Without quite meaning to, she met Mary's eyes, and was at least comforted to know that Mary was thinking the exact same thing. Or maybe not the exact one, she suspected Mary could be quite imaginative about that sort of thing.

Maybe she'd get the chance to find out for sure.

"Which of us are you going to marry though?" Mary asked, pulling her gaze away from Sophia. "Which of the boys, I mean."

"It doesn't seem very fair that girls can only marry boys," Maria said thoughtfully. "Or that boys can only marry girls for that matter."

"Fair or not, that is the world we live in," Geordo said. "And since Alan and I are both engaged, you get your pick of these handsome fellows." He gestured to Keith and Nicole.

"It doesn't much matter what I think," Maria said. "You're all very good about it, but the fact is that I'm a commoner and you're all nobility. I can want to marry you as much as I want."

"I'd marry you," Keith said. "I don't think father would kick up too much of a fuss either, since I'm only the adopted son. The trouble is, that leaves Nicole and Sophia with no one to marry except each other."

"You do realise we don't have to all marry each other," Geordo pointed out. "There are other people in the world."

"Other people who wouldn't mind this strange romantic tangle we've ended up in?"

"He's got a point," Alan agreed. "We haven't got bored of one another yet, and adults rarely seem to make new friends. Chances are, we're stuck with one another for life, so we might as well sort out the whole marriage business between ourselves and avoid the risk of the parentals sorting it out for us."

"I'm not breaking my engagement," Geordo repeated. "So the rest of you can fight among yourselves to your heart's content. I have a bride, and I've no desire to trade her."

"I like Alan," Mary said, "but if I had my way I'd be marrying a girl, so I don't suppose it much matters what boy I end up with, so long as it's one of you."

"Well I can't marry Maria," Alan said firmly. "You know I think that sort of thing is all bunk, but father would have my head if I married a commoner, even one as pretty and talented as her. No offence, Maria."

"Why would I be offended, that was a very nice thing to say about me."

"Sophia, how do you feel about me? Since I don't want to bed anyone, I'd rather not marry someone who likes me in that way, even if they will apparently have a ready supply of other lovers."

"I don't want to bed you. I don't really… I mean, I wouldn't mind… playing around a little-" the images of Maria she had been contemplating earlier sprang unbidden back to her mind "-with other people, but I love Katarina. That's it for me. I suppose I'm not very flexible in that regard."

"Then how do you feel about sharing her?"

"As long as she still has time for me," Sophia said firmly. "I mean, I already share her friendship with all of you. It might be different if she does pick only one or two of us, but if she does want all of us, well that wouldn't be so different from what happens now when you think about it."

"Well as long as I'm not expected to bed you more times than the necessary to get an heir, I don't mind marrying you then," Alan said. "Besides, you like a quiet sort of life, and so do I. If that's alright with you, Mary?"

"Mother won't be happy about me losing a Prince but it's not like childhood betrothals really work out all that often. It's a wonder we lasted this long. Nicol, how would you feel about marrying someone who only likes girls? It might mollify mother somewhat if I can at least swap Alan for a Viscount, and she does approve of your father."

"How very mercenary of you," Geordo murmured, earning himself a glare from Mary.

"As long as you didn't mind me having a mistress, I wouldn't mind so much," Nicol said. "You're cheery and sociable, which I like. Perhaps if I had you around, I wouldn't have quite such a reputation as for being boring."

"People don't think you're boring, they think you're aloof," Mary said. "Which is hardly surprising, when this is the most I've heard you speak in a decade of being friends. But I don't mind doing the talking for the both of us."

Sophia couldn't help smiling. While Mary wasn't everything she wanted for her brother, she could already see how well he and Mary would work as a match. In a lot of ways, she would suit him better than Katarina, as a wife if not a lover. Despite how shy she had been as a child, Mary had grown up to be charming, but she also knew how to be quiet and let someone alone, which Katarina wasn't always the best at. And if Nicol ever wanted to follow their father into politics, the way their parents hoped, she was sure Mary would be an asset to him.

"Well, I suppose that just leaves us," Keith said, smiling at Maria. "If you'll have me, that is."

"I think it's me who should be asking you that!"

"Don't be ridiculous, what man would turn you down? You're beautiful, you're charming, you're clever…"

"And you're sickening," Geordo drawled. "Hurry and ask her properly already, would you?"

"Oh, you don't need to," Maria said quickly. "I mean, Sophia and Mary…"

"We're aristocrats," Mary said. "We're used to this sort of thing."

Sophia definitely wasn't used to it and would quite like a proper proposal at some point but they could save that for when they were ready to announce it to their parents. They'd have to wait a while to allow the scandal of Mary's broken engagement blow over in any case.

"How about this," Keith said, taking Maria's hand. "We have an understanding. We'll try spending more time together, just the two of us, and if we still want to in a year or two, then we'll make it an official engagement, with a ring, and a real proposal. Is that alright?"

Mary was glowing again, just a little. "Oh Keith, that sounds wonderful ."

"That's the engagements all sorted out at least," Mary said. "Now back to the fine tangle we're making of our romantic lives. Sophia and Maria have told us where they stand, but what about the rest of us?"

"What about you?" Geordo asks.

"Well I'm mostly interested in Katarina, but if you'd like, Maria, perhaps you and I…?"

"Absolutely," Maria said. "I'd love to."

"Wonderful! We might as well go clockwise, so Alan, your turn."

"I don't want to bed any of you, including Katarina," he said firmly. "Obviously I'm not interested in Geordo. Nicol I've known so long he might as well be my brother, and there's nothing romantic about that. Mary isn't interested in me. The rest of you... 

"I didn't know for a long time that you could want romance without wanting intercourse, so I haven't had much time to think about it, but I'm willing to try with any of the rest of you who want to. I can't promise it will work, mind, but I'm willing to try."

"Thank you," Sophia says, because that was an unusual display of openness from him, and she's hoping that will set the tone for the others. "I've already answered, so Nicol, you're next."

"I don't mind the idea of being romanced by a man," Nicol said thoughtfully, "But I think that I only want to have intercourse with women."

Everyone else had been saying boys and girls, Sophia noticed, but Nicole had said men and women. That made it all feel more real and important somehow, a reminder that even though they were still young, the decisions they were making would impact the rest of their lives.

"Since Alan isn't interested, and Geordo said he doesn't do romance, I suppose men means me," Keith said. "I would… I mean, I'd be willing to try a romance. If you'd like. And if Maria doesn't mind."

She smiled at Keith, and he smiled back, and Sophia thought what an adorable couple they were going to make. They looked like they should be the illustration for an especially romantic romance novel.

"Of course I don't mind. He could court us as a couple even, if he's interested."

Sophia had seen her brother blush before, but not for a very long time. "That would be… nice."

The poor darling looked - at least to her eyes, if no one else's - totally shellshocked to have their combined radiance turned on him, so like a good sister should, she came to his rescue. "Geordo?"

"I've already answered."

"You haven't," Alan said. "You said that you didn't want to romance anyone, but that's not the only question on the table. Come on, if I had to do it so do you, fair's fair."

"I don't have to do anything I don't want," Geordo said haughtily, but Sophia had known him long enough to see when he was using the Prince act to hide his discomfort.

"Is this about…" she began, and then stopped, unsure how to continue without outing him to the whole room, "about the books. The ones you buy from Worthy and Such, in town?"

Geordo's face was suddenly almost as pale as her own. "How do you know…" he hissed, but she cut him off before he could say anything he might regret.

"I've made a few purchases from them myself. Not quite in the same vein. But I happened to be in there one day when you came to collect your order. I, ah, I recognised one of the titles, and I asked Mr Worthy about the others."

"I didn't see you."

"I thought you'd prefer it if I kept out of the way. I would never have told anyone."

"You just did!"

"She didn't tell us anything," Mary said firmly. "I've purchased from Mr Worthy as well, he carries a wide stock. The fact that you like some type of romance novels is hardly going to start a scandal, at least not among your friends, and none of us will ever tell another soul."

"That's not…" Geordo begins, and then sighs. "They're not exactly romance stories."

"Smut then," Mary said, easily. "Heavens knows I've purchased enough of the stuff. If anything, a gentleman buying filth is less shocking than a gentleman purchasing romances."

Geordo met Sophia's eyes, and she tried to let him know with only her expression that she would never ever betray his secret, not even to their friends. He sighed and looked away, and she wasn't sure if that meant that her attempt to communicate had failed or succeeded.

"Keith, do you know what Katarina calls me when she thinks no one is listening?"

"The sadistic prince," Keith said, looking confused. "I never knew why."

"Because she is a marvel, and knows me better than anyone else alive," Geordo said. "I have… certain interests."

Maria looked confused. "Interests in hurting people?"

"Only people who want to be hurt," Geordo said. "Some people enjoy that sort of thing."

"And you think Katarina…?!" Keith looked about to lose his temper again, but for the first time ever, it was Geordo who cut him off.

"No. I don't believe she has those kinds of tastes and I would not want to do anything with her that she did not enjoy."

"Who then? Maria?!" He shifted in his seat, as though preparing to defend his unofficial fiance from Geordo's dastardly attentions.

"You, actually." Geordo did his best to look cool, unflustered, as he said it, but Sophia was sitting close enough that she could see the back of his neck starting to go pink.

"Oh." Keith blinked slowly, processing this revelation. "Oh. You want to…?"

Apparently Geordo had decided that he was just going to bluster through this and pretend he wasn't the least bit embarrassed. "Take you to bed, tie you up, and make you cry? Yes, as it happens I do."

"Oh," Keith said again. He licked his lips. "And you think… I mean, you think I'd enjoy that?"

"I think the question is whether you think you'd enjoy that," Alan put in. "My esteemed brother is thinking only of his own prick, as usual."

"Don't swear in front of the ladies," Geordo hissed.

"Well I'm glad someone finally did," Mary said. "Honestly all this dancing around the subject was getting exhausting. This is not a respectable conversation, and the fact that we're having it at all proves fairly conclusively that we're not respectable people, so we might as well state what we mean plainly and damn the politesse. Geordo, you want to fuck Keith?"

Geordo looked rather like a bomb had gone off in front of him. Mary could have that effect on people. "Yes. Not only Keith, but yes."

"But Keith is the one you want to play pain games with?"

Sophia blinked with surprise at how comfortable with the scandalous subject Mary seemed to be. Apparently Mary's private library was rather more extensive than she had realised. (Sophia's own collection featured only one book that included the sort of games Geordo was talking about. She hadn't known when she bought it that that was what it was about - that was the problem with buying books that came in plain wrappers - but she had read it anyway, and found it interesting, though not especially titillating).

"He's a brat," Geordo said, as though that answered the question.

Keith's tone was tentative, but he didn't sound disgusted or afraid. "When you say games, do you mean… Actually no, what do you mean? I don't think my imagination is nearly scandalous enough to imagine what you might be thinking of."

Geordo pursed his lips and said nothing, embarrassment finally winning out against even his pride.

In an unusual show of solidarity, Mary came to his rescue. "It can mean a lot of things. I haven't read extensively on the subject but from what I've seen, spankings or beatings are common themes, as well as one person taking orders and obeying rules set by the other and being punished if they break them or rewarded with pleasure if they don't. Some of the stories I read involved someone being tied or chained up, so that they were at the other person's mercy."

"Oh." Keith squirmed a little in his seat. "And people enjoy that?"

"A good deal, if fiction is any guide. I wouldn't mind trying some of it myself, truth be told, though I'd want to be the one doing the tying up, and the pain bit doesn't appeal so much. The other bits sound like they could be fun though."

"And that's…" He visibly forced himself to meet Geordo's eyes. "And that's what you want to do to me?"

"I am not a rapist. Since you have no interest…"

"I didn't say that!" Keith said, a little too fast. "I mean… I could maybe… try? I'm not making promises. But we could try it."

Geordo looked almost affronted to have had his expectations so thoroughly subverted. "Well. Alright then."

"Men!" Mary said, to no one in particular. "Who's turn is it now?"

"Still Geordo's," Sophia said. "We know you are interested in Keith, and I assume Maria too?" Geordo nodded. "Alright, but we haven't talked about Katarina."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Whether you're willing to share. If she does choose all of us, what are you going to do about it?"

Geordo frowned. "What do you take me for? I already said I wanted her happiness. If that's what she chooses I will respect that. We'll have to be careful, if word ever got out that a Princess... Well. But as long as reasonable precautions are taken I won't stand in her way."

Nicol didn't say anything, but he squeezed Geordo's shoulder, and Mary nodded approvingly.

"Well said. Alright, Keith, your turn."

"I've already given my answers on Nicole and Geordo's turns," Keith said with a shrug. "I don't think there's anything else to talk about. You already know I... You all know. How I feel about Katarina. And I've already said I'll try with Nicol and Geordo, and Maria."

Someone had to say it, and since it was Sophia's meeting it probably ought to be her. "You know... I don't want to be cruel. But you know that you're the most likely to be disappointed. With Katarina I mean."

"She's my family, and I love her. But I don't think of her as my sister, not the way Nicol thinks of you. I don't... I don't know if she feels the same, or if she thinks of me as her blood brother. But at least I know that even if she doesn't love me the way I love her, she does love me and I'll always be her family. I can live with that." He gave Maria a soft smile. "Especially with a wonderful woman by my side."

"Even if that woman has what you want?"

This time Keith's blush looked almost terminal. It was nice to know that at least Sophia wasn't the only one showing all her impure thoughts on her face. "I think I could cope."

Maria leaned in and whispered something in his ear, and Keith actually resorted to covering his face, though Sophia could make out his embarrassed grin so it didn't take much to guess what Maria had just said.

This really was by far the most improper conversation Sophia had ever been a part of. She was rather proud of herself, honestly. Once they realised that she had learned to take pride in her unusual appearance, the more persistent bullies had moved on to the fact that she didn't like parties and would rather read than do anything exciting. They thought she was a stick in the mud, but she was quite certain that this single conversation had contained more scandal that any of them would experience in their whole lives. In fact the next time Lady Jessica mocked her for being boring, she was probably just going to burst out laughing.

"That's all of us, then," Alan said, drawing everyone's attention away from Maria's pleased smile and Keith's blush. "The only question that's left is what do we tell Katarina?"

"I don't think it matters," Geordo said. "You could write out your intentions on a banner and fly it from the top of the east tower, or pay the town crier to proclaim it in the streets, and she still wouldn't notice."

"Not about how we feel about her, maybe, but it doesn't feel right to keep her in the dark about how we all feel about one another. And even though she probably wouldn't notice if we didn't say anything, imagine the palava we could end up in if she sees Maria stepping out with Nicole and thinks she's betraying Keith, or catches Keith with Geordo and thinks he's betraying Maria, or any one of a dozen other scenarios. We have to tell her."

"We could draw up a diagram," Nicol suggested. "Surely even she couldn't misunderstand that?"

Sophia had paper and a pen, and Nicol knew a water spell that would change the colour of the ink, and between the two of them, they managed to draw out the whole interlocking system with different colours for engagements, romantic attachments, and sexual ones.

When they had finished, all seven of them gathered around to eye the paper critically.

"I definitely think she'll be able to misunderstand this," Keith said eventually. "No offence or anything, but I was here for the whole negotiation bit and honestly, I'm having trouble understanding it."

"Katarina's bit looks like you just dropped your pen," Alan added. "There's too many lines all going to the same place."

"It's not my fault we all love her!" She'd thought she'd done quite a good job, considering.

"How about more of a grid?" Mary suggested. She took the pen and paper from Sophia, and began to sketch out a table in a blank corner. "Something like this maybe?"

Geordo picked up the paper to study it. "How is that less confusing?"

"Well you can see what everything is, can't you?"

"Why have you used a crown for romance?"

"I couldn't think of anything except a heart to represent who's bedding who, and then I needed something else to represent the romance, and a crown was the first thing I thought of."

"It looks like the record of a chess game."

Sophia decided to damn good manners and leaned accross Nicol so she could see it better. "It looks like we're all about to kill one another, actually. I used to draw grids like this for solving mystery stories sometimes."

Mary crossed her arms, which had the - probably - unintended effect of pressing on her corset and making certain assets even more prominent than they usually were. "Well I'd like to see you do any better!"

"I'm not sure any of us can do any better. That's the problem."

"We're just going to have to tell her, aren't we?"

"No," Sophia said very quickly. "That's not how it works, remember? We can't tell her things straight out, because it's not the end of the story and so something will go wrong. Either there'll be an interruption, or she'll misunderstand, or the school will burn down, or something. That's just how it works."

"Well what's the alternative? Get a lawyer to draw up some kind of contract? 'We the undersigned wish to initiate carnal and/or romantic relationships with you. Also some of us are also involved with one another'?"

"The paper would blow away, or she'd have to leave urgently and loose it."

"Tie her up so she can't leave?"

"Ask Geordo, I'm sure he's got plenty of spare rope," Alan suggested with a smirk. The twins didn't usually look all that alike, but the expressions they wore when they were making fun of one another where identical.

"Well, as it happens…"

"No, no, we have to tell her the two things separately, or something's bound to go wrong."

"Seems a bit cruel though. 'All of us are romantically or carnally involved with at least one other of your friends, but we decided we'd leave you out'?"

"Maybe if we set it all out like that, but end it on a question?" Maria suggested. "Surely even she couldn't misunderstand if we asked her then?"

"We won't get to the question," Sophia said, with absolute certainty. "Something will happen to stop it."

"It's got to be worth a try though, right?"

"...and then finally Keith and Nicole." It had gone smoothly so far. Katarina even seemed to be understanding. "Do you have any questions?"

Katarina blinked. "No? I don't think so."

"Alright, wonderful. We actually have a question for you though, if you don't mind. We wondering whether you were…."

EEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEEEE

"Fire!" Nicole yelled, jumping to his feet. "That's the alarm for a fire."

"I told you," Sophia said, to no one in particular. Probably no one could even hear her over the alarm. "I bloody told you."